20091107
I feel like a part of me just left.
11:58 AM
Life is like a merry-go-round. Sometimes you're soaring high, sometimes, you're down low. I just love that feeling when you're up there.. Though that time is just for seconds, you get that strong and soothing feeling. I love being above everyone else. Not in a selfish, nor conceited way. Don't get me wrong.That feeling. It's almost like you can touch the sky. It just feels like it's been forever a part of you. I like merry-go-rounds. It's like the infinite cycle of life. As it ends, life seems to cross with death. Everyone will die someday, it's just a matter of time, on who goes first, who lives longer. Colorful lights surround you. It's almost surreal. Everything around you is bright, sanguine, happy. You hear many people laughing. Laughs are the best part of life. Well, one of the bests. Though it comes in a whole package, there's the laughing, the crying, the mourning, the EVERYTHING ! This is just way beyond cool. Remember when you were little, you ride the carousel, and your mommy or daddy waits for you outside the ride, and every time you pass them , you wave at them, you say hi to them , you smile. I like being a KID <3 I wish I was younger, like 5. So I won't feel the same way I feel right now. There's too many problems. Which one's first up to be solved? I'm tired. My life is like full of beatings. It just hits me right there. It's really different. Sometimes I just wanna know the right steps, if ever I'm taking the wrong one. Which one's to success? to happiness? to relief? It just feels like I never take the right ones. Even if I think about it, I just don't. Sometimes things have to fall apart, to make you realize just how much you need them to fall back together. I just have to take the happy with the sad, go through the bad to appreciate the good, lose some to gain some. Life's all about making mistakes, not making something out of mistakes. Loving , Losing , Loving , Learning. Throw it up to the sky, leave everything behind. For once, breathe, relax, and think things through cause those that are willing to stay WILL stay, no matter what, and those who leave WILL leave because they NEVER want to be with you again. There's no "D" in love, there's no LOVED. Love doesn't have a past tense. If you stop loving someone, then you truly never loveD them in the first place. Who cares about those who left ? It's their choice to have left, to have left you. You might have pushed them to do so, but it's really their FINAL choice. Regardless of what the past is. They're not worth it.
20090906
Even at the end of forever..
7:42 PM
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." Music describes everything about me. My passion for music is beyond my passion for any other things in the world. My guitar pretty much describes who I am. Not just the fact that it's a musical instrument, but also because it can make many types of music. Even though I've only been playing my guitar for months, it's still very significant for me. Different types of music played in the guitar describes the different personalities of people. Whether it's the rock, or the sentimental type, or the country or ballad. Whether the sun refused to shine, or the lyrics ran out of rhyme, music is always there to soothe your mind and heal your heart. The strings on my guitar are like the choices and decisions I make in life. It relates to real life because for every string I strum, it produces different sounds, which can make a difference to the whole flow of the song, just like my decisions and choices can make a difference to the rest of my life. Music never failed my desires. My guitar, along with the music it can compose, are the only things that lets my heart and mind off everything else.
20090817
I ain't gonna sit here, and just wait for you
11:44 PM
"I ain't gonna sit here, and just wait for you." We would never be the same, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I cry. I don't think that in my life I've ever made this worst mistake. I was happy while it lasted, I should've lived it to the fullest. Abuse it, overuse it. Feel everything. I'm tired of people asking, "How are you doing?", day by day, I get it. I'm tired of people telling me I'm stupid for wasting it, walking out the door. What used to be can never be back. Past is past. I have no regrets in doing what I did, or saying what I said. I listened and enough is enough. Life is so honest to me, that I have to pay more attention to change. Everytime you look at the mirror, you see the emotion behind your face.. Till you're staring at your mistakes hiding behind your face upon your everyday. Staying real true, everyday. There's no use in trying when the pieces just don't fit anymore. Trying to solve a puzzle when one of the pieces have been thrown in the trash. Trying to submit an essay and get an A, when one of the pages are missing, left on the desk, sitting alone. Impossible. What's trying for? What's thinking about what should've been, could've been, or would've been, if it's over. It's hard to say goodbye, but it's even harder to walk away. When I gave my best, and it's all over. Fuck all the memories. Fuck the lunch times. Fuck the phone calls. Fuck the text messages. Fuck chatting late at night. Fuck all the pictures. Fuck everything that had to do between the both of us. You were once something, and now you're nothing, but a piece of garbage that I would never recycle. I'm sorry, I'm still searching for the true one. I'm still like a kid, playing around.. Just like in kindergarten, you're just friends with everyone.. You do things that humiliate you. You do things that you don't normally do.. But I'm growing up inch by inch. Sorry if I acted strange. It's because of you being so out of range. Ahaa. With good things, came bad ones. With every breath I take, Imma be more careful. With every step I make, Imma suspect. Should I leave it all like this.. Hah ! Even when I take a step, further than this, I'd still be hurt. What can I do. Nothing, but accept the words' been thrown to me. There's no holding back in reality. There's no forever. Promise is just a word, never yet to be proven. Well, by the fact that you never did. This was like a movie, cause it kept replaying in my head. Rewind, puuush. Forward, baaam. Play, boooo. Except for stop, it was never an option. Change will never hurt you. Just open up your heart, and look for the real one. Once you do that, you're life will then begin.. Don't let hatred and anger fill your heart. It's too late for us. Forget about me.Yayyyy. I finally get to write about pizza again. Pizza, Hahaaa((= Cause it's like a combination of things. Not just what happened lately, but way back in the past. So, I'M NOT TRYING TO HIT JUST ONE PERSON WITH THIS BLOG. Kayyssss? Cause I wanna slap this blog to.. MANY PEOPLE. jk(: Hahaaaa. But seriously, imagine what Hannah has been through during her past 14 yeaaars. And now, it's gonna be 15. Aww. Old. I'm counting weeks. :D ahaaaa. But nopeeee. I needa stop trippin' tho.. Imma tie my shoelaces now. PLEASE don't get offended by this. If you think it's for you, then good for youuuu. BS maaaan. haaahaa(= No drama, please. Don't you feel sorry for me. I had too much of them, just give me some waterrrr. x)Labels: Forget about me, Let's forget, My mistake
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change, and the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away
12:18 PM
"But I keep climbing and hoping things would change, and the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away." I lost my way, you said you'd stay. Like a born selfish baby, you left me helpless. But now I won't see you, and you won't see me. It's over & I'm sober. It will never get right, it's time to move on & get you out of my sight. It used to be worth the weight of gold, now the stocks are out & down. A storm came by, and hit us. Turned us down, drowned by rivers of lies. Oceans of tears were cried & dried. Sorries wouldn't do it. It's been long, and it's fucked up how it ended this way. This was way less than what I deserve. You totally dissed me, and you're the one who's pissed. You said you're full of it, arguments & bullshit. You let the bad take away all the good. Your words, explanations sounded so wrong like a piano out of tune. It could've worked, but you didn't find the need to. You pushed me away, as if you were moving mountains. You played smart, like a college professor. My heart was obliterated, and no one can travel through. It will never be the same. Just like an island, in the middle of the sea. I'm like standing in the gas, and you were the flame. You didn't even have the nerve to say you're sorry. You won all the rounds in every fight. It was your way, I decided not to get in your way. But I did, I thought of myself for once, and I did. It broke everything. I realized I've been living a lie, and nothing was ever true. You looked at us, but you only see YOU. You looked at only one, never would have you seen two. We don't need to talk anymore, I have nothing left to say. You got what you want. We went our separate ways, you left me with nothing, but ALL the pain. It must be a slow death I traveled on. It felt so wrong, I barely held on. I'm up on the regrets I saved for you, I'm down on love. No matter what it takes, I gotta get everything fit together again. Let's forget. It's like moving mountains.Labels: Let's forget, Moving Mountains, Selfish
20090816
You gotta play the game right before it plays you
7:35 PM
"You gotta play the game right before it plays you." There are times in life, where taking advantage or taking something for granted is done for good. Let's say, MOST of the times, people take advantage of each other.. I understand it this way, it's either they really need it, or they just have bad intentions for doing it. Either way, you should find out at first, why they're doing it. I mean, you should be careful on the people around you. You may not notice it, but they might already are taking advantage of you, you're just blinded by how "nice", or w/e acts they do to you. Hmpph. That quote.. Ugh. I'mma say I am sometimes selfish. Selfish to my parents, bro & sisters.. but there's a reason behind everything I do. It is for them to realize that I'm just being careful enough not to do anything wrong. Not to hurt them if ever something happens. & also, there are times where you should make the first move, to not get hurt by something later on.. cause you don't know what could happen. It's better to hurt someone else before they hurt you. Be frank to them, tell them how you feel. That way they will understand everything more. There will be conflicts, of course, but as soon as possible, let them know, before your load becomes too heavy. Too heavy to carry. Before the game strives for the win. Learn from it. Games are not always about wins & losses.. Games are for learning, for reaching for the better, for figuring out your mistakes, violations, or techniques. Who gives a fuck about winning or losing. Oh yeaah, so people praise you, or underestimate you. It doesn't mean you're gonna stay like what you are forever. You may not get far, but you'll get through it. Who cares what they fckn tell you, don't let it affect you. Don't show them you're hurt. Don't tell them the same things. Find the will to control yourself & change for what is best. Fuck them, live your own life. It's yours, not theirs. It's your game. Make it, or break it. Give and take. Play it.
20090803
After all this time?
11:56 PM
In life, we need to give up things, to be able to hold on to things that are important. Trying was never enough. If by trying, you mean to still continue doing the things you do, then you're NOT trying. Keep your promises.. Nobody's perfect in the world, and I know that by heart. We're not asking for you to give us your time & attention, but to at least share with us, and don't even mention it. TRUST is such a big word, that I can't afford to give & lose anymore. Nothing's wrong. Everything seems to be loose now. I don't have to be careful on my words, or actions anymore, for other people's sakes. Things can't be perfect all the time, in reality, life comes with so many imperfections and these imperfections make life more interesting, more exciting, we shouldn't live life knowing that we're always scared to take a step, that it may not be the right one, you have to take the risk, and if our steps are not right, we discover new things, we meet new people and soon we'll realize that we can do greater things than the things from our past that we thought we can only accomplish. What is the right thing to do? To change because of a friendship, or to let friendship change you? A good, memorable, true friendship / love is never regretful, and even if it fails to last, true friendship / love should only make you a better person, a stronger person, and in love, real strength will let you know when to give up the fight and finally let go. We can go searching for the things we truly want, the person whom we will completely give our whole self to forever, we may either succeed or fail, should we to look for the right thing, person for us? Many things will come and go, whether we think it's the right time or not.. There really is no one in the world who can tell us what's in our mind & heart, but ourselves, who can show us what we really want. You shouldn't label someone you thought you knew really well because of how on earth long years you've known each other.. Those years will only not show you who that person really is. So, once you make a mistake, something goes wrong between you two, whether you like it or not, it'll be stucked with you forever.. It may go away sooner or later, but the memory is there. You know, the other person/people know/s it happened. There is no stopping in the future. LIFE comes in full circle. But if everything will soon collapse, I want everything to end where it all started. To remind me of the things that happened.. the things that made up that circle of life.. I never want it to end.. Time will change us, and in the end of time, we will realize that our life was once the best one. Is this confusing? Some parts came out to be.. There may not be a connection with this & that, but if you think deeply, you may understand it. I should've probably broken it up.. but for me, it makes sense.
20090802
Your true colors are shining through
5:56 PM
This is my 2nd blog. Blehhh(= I just feel like I wanna have a 2nd one. HMMPH.
Somehow, she thought everything was gonna be alright, but it turned out that everything weren't the first place. She never thought of this happening. The things she says are the underlying truth of her lies. At times she asks, "What did I do wrong?" , "Was being honest something I shouldn't have done?". She saw it coming already.. You know when things just doesn't go right.. Yeahhh. that situation. She said everything she did just to cover up the times she did have anyone beside her to tell it to. She realized that time, explanations, nor words can't fix it, until one day, she just gave up. She tried & tried, and at the end, she ends up the one getting hurt too. The one who can't do anything, but pour out the thoughts & feelings she's carrying inside. She can't help, but feel really bad, guilty, and sorry for the people whom she hurted from her mistakes and wrong actions. She, though, has a strong pride that overcomes all the things, words & acts that are being thrown to her, despite the consequences she may receive. She knew her selfishness would lead to a break up of something that's really important to her. Clarification, she'd rather let them know the truth, than hide the truth that's sooner or later, going to explode. What she's done might've ruined a great partnership, but she knew, it was better that it happened, rather not, because someday, your heart & mind just can't accept to bear the truth anymore.
I have no intentions in this blog. I'm okay with you guys' comments or opinions. I will not get affected by them anymore, cause I'm used to it. I don't need anymore. I'm not trying to make up things, drama, or bullshiet. Hate it, don't read this then.
